In Pursuit of Wonder

May 11, 2023

Again I set out for another evening walk after milking cows. I just need the outdoor/ in the woods time. I also wanted to harvest a few pounds of garlic mustard, and was hoping to find mushrooms (hoping for morels). The pastures had grown so well the heifers and dry cows were back to grazing. The heifers behaved strangely, they saw me and took off running as if I was chasing them but then they would turn around and come running back toward me. I was annoyed by this; I was seeking a stress-release and I worried they would break through fences if they kept running; I tried to act as disinterested in them as I could and prayed they wouldn’t break a fence. I followed my usual route to the woods best I could. (I asked Jesse, my husband to pick me up on the highway in about an hour – not having to walk back would give me extra time to search for morels.) 

I crawled under the fence by the walnut trees again. The underbrush was growing quite fast now and was a brilliant green. The nettles were several inches tall now. I should have collected some of them too but I hadn’t brought a glove with me to handle them without being stung. And if I want to harvest stinging nettles there are plenty growing much closer to the house which would be easier to collect since I wouldn’t have to carry them so far. The tree leaves were much further along than a week ago but still far  from forming a full canopy. Watching the transformation, the springing of life was magical and I relished it. Just being in the woods uplifted my spirit – seem to need a daily dose of this. Entering the woods is always like letting go of your breath you didn’t know you were holding, so refreshing, and deeply healing. I really need to be better about coming and taking this time for restoration at the very least once a week all year round but I always end up stopping the weekly trips to the woods for some reason or other and have a challenge getting back to it, come up with so many excuses not to, even though it is my favorite place. – I just get too caught up in surviving life. Anxiety medication or antidepressants would probably help a lot with handling daily life but I want to handle it without the medication since I am functional. I just need to keep coming to the woods, keep writing, keep photographing, read and draw more; push myself to publish my stories and therefore fulfill my dream of being a published author/writer and photographer, and farm a little less with my in-laws. Life really isn’t terrible, we’ve just been going through a lot since we got married and figuring out how the farm stuff should work. I just get anxious while working for them that I am going to get into trouble though I am doing nothing wrong. Being in the woods alone washes that all away for a bit. I am really still a child in a lot of ways. I wish I could make a living being in the woods where I feel the most free. 

I continued onward, down the ravine, the deep valley, weaving through brambles, thorns threatening to tear at me or hold me fast. Threading a path between the trees, over decaying logs, ducking under and around branches, up and down the ravine each time its meandering path lays before mine. Using a log over the ravine as a bridge. Under the cathedral arch, and up and down the banks of the ravine in yet another spot. Skirting around the mayapples and ostrich ferns, duck under a low hanging branch, I step over rocks in the springtime waterway and walk along the east slope until I come to my actual tree bridge. I had paused now and again to take in the beauty around me. Birds sang. Bumblebees hummed. A couple of deer crashed through the underbrush, running away before I could see them fully. Gray squirrels chased each other, arguing as they ran up and down tree trunks and along branches. Red squirrels too added to the fray. Sometimes I heard loud rustling in the leaves, just squirrels searching for something, their tiny hands very human-like in movement.

Across the tree bridge, I gingerly climbed down and continued to follow the ravine, crawling under and over the fallen trees across it, and ambling down the stones forming the springtime waterfall, reaching the point where there are more boulders and exposed bedrock. The slopes all around me soar high above. 

 I also observed the plants. Swamp buttercup, Ranunculus hispidus, its yellow flower brighten the greenness around it. Close by, grew brown mushrooms with black along the edges of their caps – perhaps old mica caps, Coprinellus micaceus. Even inedible mushrooms are fun and fascinating, being a feast for the eyes anyway and a delight to photograph. I bent down for a loser look, little fruit flies or gnats were walking along the caps, also quite interested in the mushrooms. A little further on, I found more of perhaps the same kind of mushrooms at the base of a tree, but the fruiting bodies are a bit younger. So much beauty, splendor, and wonder is going on here, with the sheer awesome scale of the rocks. My heart soared as I took it in, first the grandeur of the whole and the wonder of the little pieces. Moss encased rocks. Growing among the moss stood wild ginger plants, even in the most impossible places. I am not sure why but the discovery of the wild ginger and seeing it in bloom filled me with great joy. Their red velvety, cup-like flower isn’t pretty in the traditional showy sense, but these flowers growing at the base of the stem delighted me. There were several plants tucked in among the ferns and waterleaf. The one plant grew on the side of the bedrock at eye-level. 

My eyes soon moved on to the fallen trees lying here and there in this, the widest part of the ravine. On these logs, sprouted dryad’s saddle mushrooms, Cerioporus squamosus, also known as Pheasant back, Polyporus squamosus; harvested whilst young and tender, these mushrooms are delicious with a nice, robust earthy taste. I cut a few medium to small ones, not morels but still so tasty. Also, their beautiful brown patterns are lovely to behold and photograph. I let out a deep, contented sigh, the woods are incredibly epic here. I needed this. 

Onward and upward, I proceeded, climbing up the now steep slope out of the ravine and onto the highway. I stopped to check for traffic and then crossed the road, more woodlands owned by my father-in-law. At the wood’s edge I paused again, to look at a stump with a white shelf mushroom growing on it. Cool mushroom, it was perhaps artist’s conk, Ganoderma applanatum, another beauty. I stepped around some stones, set as a roadblock, and ducked under low branches of shrubby trees. This had been the old road. (This is all private property, ours and a neighbor friend’s.) The hillside before me was covered in wild ginger, it was like a fairy tale in ambience. Among the wild ginger grew waterleaf. I also saw large-flowered bellwort plants, Uvularia grandiflora. They have elongated yellow flowers, hanging down. Bloodroot, Sanguinaria canadensis, not yet in bloom, also graced the hillside. Among all these were wood anemone, Anemone quinquefolia, and hepatica plants. The anemone were in bloom, tiny white pink, iridescent flowers. It was beautiful and I was excited to be able to identify more and more plants. Up on the bluff, I turned back to look at the stone bridge, part of the old road. I continued to climb the steep bluff. Around some dead trees, I found a single, tiny gray morel. I would have gone further but I was nearly out of time. I ambled down and waited for Jesse to pick me up by the highway. I will return soon, I promised myself. 

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